[12 May 2005|03:18pm] I am the ever-forsaken bastard child of your disease your dead and abandoned strung up for all of you to see nuture it, seeming so beautiful the thing the absenece of meaning the scars that bear my name behind, i'm the hatred and torment i am the choking witness, dying screams i am the sickness inside you longing for.. This is the hate that surrounds you Praying for the endless surge of Doubt now burning inside you I AM the scars of your disease i am eternal damnation the bastard child of your disease your self suffocation strung up for everyone to see Sever The Feeling the mirror of your shame the darkest intention the scars that bear my name i am the endless possession i am the portion for the weak i am in loveless desire, longing for i am the ever-forsaken bastard child of your disease your dead and abandoned strung up for all to view 1 //cmnt

[03 May 2005|08:35am] Looking back at me I see That I never really got it right I never stopped to think of you I'm always wrapped up in Things I cannnot win You are the antidote that gets me by Something strong Like a drug that gets me high What I really meant to say Is I'm sorry for the way I am I never meant to be so cold to you And I'm sorry about all the lies Maybe in a different light You could see me stand on my own again Cause now i can see You were the antidote that got me by Something strong like a drug that got me high I never meant to be so cold I never really wanted you to see The screwed up side of me that I keep Locked inside of me so deep It always seems to get to me I never really wanted you to go So many things you should have known I guess for me theres just no hope I never meant to be so cold cmnt

Dressed In Blasphemy [29 Apr 2005|09:13am] her touch intoxicating. she holds my heart within her hands. Unmericful. She had become my everything. Touched with broken glass. The softness turned to bitter flame. Yet still my friend, I'd close my eyes and suffocate. She's my dark desire. With all the trappings of regret. Dressed in blasphemy. She pulls the stitches from my eyes. She's my suffering. The taste of death is on her lips. Dressed. She takes the breath that takes my life. She is my misery. To touch the skin of whitest lies. So beautiful. She had become my everything. Touched with broken glass . My body longing just to feel. A final breath. So close our eyes and suffocate. cmnt

Truth [25 Apr 2005|02:56pm] You never realize how much you love someone until they are totally gone. It just hurts even worse when you see them in the arms of another. All is lost and you just see it slipping and theres nothing you can do. No spoken words not even a sincere glance. I miss you and you know it. It seems as though you use it against me to the point where I break. I love you just where you are. If you are happy then I will need to learn to be happy as well.... Well everyone Job Corps is going great with some minor exceptions but ill make it through. I love you all. Keep in touch. : The darkness it grows inside. Like a cancer thats feeding. Reflecting behind her eyes. As screams turn to silence : 2 //cmnt

[16 Apr 2005|01:14am] Well ok I lied that wasnt my last post. Well I figure you guys love me so much and Im going away so maybe you guys will hook me up with some sweet shirts. Im in dire need of clothes. And im gonna be there for possibly a year so... I know you love me ;). All Tees are a size small. Hoodie are medium. Its gonna be hella cold there so. You dont have to get me anything so if you dont its cool. Well heres my wish list: T Shirt One T Shirt Two Hoodie Size Medium T Shirt Three T Shirt Four T Shirt Five Well thats pretty much a small list of all the things I want. I pretty much could go on four a 4 page list but Ill keep it easy on ya. If you do this I cant thank you enough. It would mean alot. Again you dont have to. I just thought Id ask. <3 Take Care 8 //cmnt

Deploy The Cold Young And Heartless [12 Apr 2005|09:23pm] Well I leave on April 19th which is a week from tomorrow. I will be gone for a 6-8 month period so hopefully I can keep my stress straight for that time period. This will be my last entry before I leave and I will update as soon as I can from school. So Im gonna end this with my eulogy lol Theres always a bright future lurking into the hearts and mindsets of everyone alive. It just takes the strong to overcome everything that may hold you down. We deal with people everyday who do nothing but hope you have fallen to far stray from the paths of a better future. They seem to get a rise out of failure as if its an addictive drug. Their habit just tends to get worse and worse each time they witness or provoke a downfall. I would have liked to some into this with the love, respect, and faith that I deserve but its far to late. To vow to give your last breath if it would cause a smile to graze a love ones face is what I fought and honored to do every day. Instead im here with blade to wrist trying to eye down a solution before I lose it. But just because you throw your life in the hands of another doesnt mean they have the power to destroy you. Whether you like it or not, Im doing this with or without you... 5 //cmnt

The End Of A New Beginning [10 Apr 2005|07:34am] [ music | Deadwater Drowning = Slap her ass and ride the wave in ] Things are always changing. Its an endless search to find yourself but one day everyone is soon to find the answers to all the questions. Always threatened with the unexpected we all have no choice but to keep your gaurd up. Maybe these decisions will be for the better or may be for the absolute worse. But if your own confidence can bring you up no one can bring you down. Ive suffered numerous hours of agony thinking of a perfect solution to all my issues. I came to find that there is no easy ending to them. All I must do is look past them and go on with the path life leads me. Never forget the ones who have been there with you through the worst nor forget the ones who have put you there. No morals, no regrets, no concience. Its a survival of the fittest and Im going to emerge ontop living in a hole looking at the world through a crack.... 2 //cmnt

Integrity Holding On to Its Last Breath [07 Apr 2005|10:52am] Well its set in stone. My file is being sent up to maine today and I find out what day I leave in less than a week. Theres no turning back now Im going. Its the last thing I feel I have. Everything else seems to be slowly slipping. All these ups and downs and the sad part is theres no warning. One day things are going absolutely amazing. I mean you get every day set backs but you tend to sit back and let them dwindle. But lately it seems as if everything has been on a trip going faster than light and downhill. But I hoping all will mend and everything will start to sky rocket into bliss once again. I just hate this fucking rollercoaster I am on and I want to get off. 3 //cmnt

New Layout + New Life [23 Mar 2005|04:56pm] [ music | Terror - Out Of My Face ] Well everything was going great. Then again I hit another bump in the road but this time no hold backs. It's time to get my life in order and no one will be standing in my way this time. Im leaving for school in about a month. When I get home I have a job becoming a piercer for Wasted Inc ( a new shop coming soon to manchester ). So Ill have a whole new life, a good job, and a girl I would die for. I can't really ask for more than that. Even if this venture costs me ties to sever I will and can do it. Its time I think about what I want and need. Not what everyone else needs and expects. Thanks to those who choose to stick by me and a huge "fuck you" to whom appose. I will conquer this... 2 //cmnt

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